Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
