I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
