Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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