So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
