careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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