so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
