Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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