You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
