Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
