I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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