Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
