I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
