If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
