I'm going to jail i love you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize