yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's never too late to be topless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
