she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
