I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
