I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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