there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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