He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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