Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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