the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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