You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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