i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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