Is it normal to miss your booty call?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
