GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this just has baby written all over it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
