I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize