You're a womanizer and a bitch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
