he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
