a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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