Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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