Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
