Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?