Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...