Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck