At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.