so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok