it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life