Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
