Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

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(631): View more from New York

She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

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(713): View more from Texas

Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.

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(317): View more from Indiana

His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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(630): View more from Illinois

There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.

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(678): View more from Georgia

You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me

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