Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize