I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
