I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
