Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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