my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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