My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
