When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Terrible idea I love it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
