god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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