dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
