a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
