is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
