coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Randomize
