Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
