your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
