You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
