After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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