No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
