Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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