I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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