This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
