oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
and you fell through a lawn chair
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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