i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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