he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
