youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
