she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
