if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
