Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
