That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are you so shy because you have an std?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Randomize
