dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
