i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When are your genitals available?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
