If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
